Jennifer
Lo☻ong
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Prose in Ancient Chinese
去：兩心為一之始，汝心知別有何狀。如兩燕子相盤旋，淡入淡出，然一雛若停服而下降，因此永不息空舞，恐顛僕，更懼離。日皆落，燥濕更冷，風亦愈怒。堅絲山水亦不去，故作此書，冀風能我愛汝至碎片窗台。餘埋此句中，吾孤魂沉思其冥冥者也。身在此，思念碎片向暗中。吾汝抽屜裡有幾封書不開封？多少燕子從天上落，唯暗雲來自去？然孤鳥愚牆抗翅折翼，肆於地悲燕雙飛。失僚佐鼓譟。豈旁屏人語實哉？吾為鏡花水月而狂，桃花源不過空想。可憐心墮成片，散在天下無一圈。唯惟墜之星辰，偶照吾之視野。吾擾其膚發以待終, 棄春年，求之不綻放愛情。欲心盡馀生，願重回於地，長為卑微花拾之，棄前在汝指中旋。日復一日，暮復暮。
回：若釋帶刺花朵，只因手血已滴至濡花瓣，此乃有道者也。愚鳥周圍石花，欲以摘其羽葉而暖其葉，裂其嗷碎片解終不為之寒。為色蔽目，寧蒙睛狼狽，亦不留溫柔鄉之中。是嘗，愚往愛情膚之下掘數次，以無處求真道真誠也。今鳥棄而鍍金之籠，踉蹌奔騰，然終脫人間喧嘩。眇眇之燕，生為孤鶴，獨空滑翔，遊於皞天。知汝花言巧語未量也，其俱碎，巧避之。知汝昔無情故傷吾，羽翼強，心固矣。物有去而不返，若聞鶴在霧中甚有聲，即知一與解由。曾不知子心中之花引蟲入室，然從此清風佛面，將閉戶以牖，援筆從此辭。
Letter: You and I both knew how our goodbyes would sound before our relationship began. Like two swallows circling each other we fade in and out of each others’ lives, but as a bird will fall from the sky should they stop to marvel at the other, we could never stop dancing in the air, afraid to fall and even more afraid to separate. Yet the sun must set everyday, the air grows colder and the winds sharpen. Not even the strongest of silk threads may withstand the distance of mountains and rivers, so I write this letter in hopes the wind will carry pieces of my love towards your windowsill. I bury myself in these words, pieces of my soul reaching into the dark.
How many unopened letters lie in your drawers? How many swallows must fall from the sky until only dark clouds remain? I pick at my skin and hair awaiting for the end. May I sink into the earth and grow again as a small flower you pick up, twirl me around in your fingers before you discard me. Again and again.
Reply: Justified is a man who foregoes a thorny flower, the blood on his hands dripping onto those deceptively soft petals. A bird which flies around a stone flower is a foolish one, hoping to warm its leaves by picking off its own feathers, futilely tearing pieces of itself to appease the ceaseless coldness. Blinded by beauty, I’d sooner stumble through the mountains and waters blindfolded than remain in your gilded fantasy, where superficial fancies hide the sky from one’s eyes. The insignificant swallow has grown into a lone crane, one that may glide in the air in solitary, but enjoys its freedom nevertheless. Some things leave and shall never return. Should you hear a strong cry of a crane through the mist, know it is one of relief and freedom.
巴子問曰：何以斷其履與合身？
常春對曰：服之，行仟裏，觀其不安，蹈塗不自若。但與履同和，如氣中行。
曰：故可履，則徑行。若履磨破之垢而蔽之視線，奈何？
曰：當求一善履。
曰：故知時不易雙足履，豈不知何以他求愛情遠枯木。為事之本在於一人，如此者不可屈之與語粗心言。人曰：若汝為情而婚，以無以制心；夫欲者，以無以制性；為慈善業，兼兩而有之。人能於此臧穢之水，自生以尊，時退。
常笑：此言不憂，一旦以微風，漫言則浮出。若能力勝履崎嶇之路，不經意而行，吳為心意人愈謹，其何能傷？
曰：愚矣。自此以下至於大不終子樹。為汝後仟佳花，伸之纖身供君採，何以固留之隅。
曰：簡者宜有味，非魯莽地藉田，而自擇之微。吳心自引，鳴鳥覆桃源，銀翼撫清水。
茂園仟花以召，惟回顧微花，朝暮思念。
曰：難斷花可引蟲入室。
常曰：然。然聞之：為笨手笨腳，常空杯留左右，歸屋臭一室。今者來見洗杯，空中馥郁。故知花開甚喜，室亦然。
曰：或真，室不以杯與花為之，用磚、砂漿造者，主人之尊權相接。一人之名不遺，亦不壞。為莫大之事待之，使心註意忽忽華無益也。
曰：或有從子之說，甚為榮者。其田與妃嬪皆甚厚，以體其功之大小。吾為卑者也，小茅屋足矣。身衣足不履，其上有久居之所也。填花朵，美者以其靜也，故士不安且樂。生復何求？
曰：然觀者鮮能看穿焉，而以婚姻非之。能如是乎？
曰：可過目投，不能阻吳矣。老子曾曰：「問何以教人，因老子願意。」有愛其勇，足以明其正。
常與其愛人徙，情緣歲月如故，兩心盡余生。
Ba Zi: How does one know if one's shoes fit?
Chang Chun: Wear them and walk a thousand li, look down to see how peaceful the trodden path remains. So long as you and your shoe are harmonious, it will be as if you were stepping through air.
B: So if the shoe fits, the path shall flow. What is one to do if the shoes scuffle the dirt and obscure one’s views?
C: Then I’d search for a better pair of shoes.
B: And so, if you know when to replace a pair of ill-fitting shoes, how can you not know when to seek love elsewhere, away from a wilting tree? A man of your standing should not subject himself to careless whispers and rumours, when the root of the issue lies within another. They say if you marry for love, you are a fool who cannot control his heart; for lust, his mind; for charity, both. One cannot protect his livelihood and dignity amongst these dirty waters, I beseech you, please rise and cleanse while you still can.
C: Forgive me for laughing. Those rumours do not bother me, shadowy words emerge as mere breeze once revealed. If my shoes may withstand rough travels whilst I carelessly tread, and I treat my lover with more care than possible, then how could harm ever come her way?
B: Foolish. Expending such efforts into a fruitless tree. Why remain stubbornly at this corner when behind you are a thousand blooming flowers, stretching their slender bodies for you to pick?
C: It is often best for a simple man to have simple tastes, as opposed to recklessly trampling through the field, and to instead walk the humble path he chooses. My heart guides me as naturally as birds swim in the wind and fish fly in the water. A thousand flora and fauna may beckon from the rich orchard, but still the humble flower captures my spirit.
B: It is difficult to discern whether a flower will bring insects into the house.
C: Indeed. But hear this: as a clumsy man I often leave my empty cups around, and return to a smelly room. Yet now I come back to washed cups, and a sweet fragrance wafting in the air. That is how I know my flower blooms happily, and my house is at peace.
B: That may be true, but a house is not made of cups and flowers, it is built with brick and mortar, held together by the dignity and power its owner commands. Should a man’s reputation fail, so shall his house fall. It does no good to preoccupy the mind with fleeting flowers when grander things await.
C: Some men would agree with you, and become men of great honor and courage. Their estates and concubines will be plentiful, so as to reflect the magnitude of their feats. For the humble man, just a small hut is enough. The clothes on his back and simple shoes on his feet are all he needs to live a long life in reclusion. To add a flower is to enhance this peace with beauty, so the man is not only at peace but also happy. What more is there to desire in life?
B: But it is rare for the bystander to see into your logic, and resist pointing accusative blades against you.
C: Others may throw misguided gazes onto me, but never shall they deter me. Lao Zi once answered, “why do I teach? Because I feel like it.” For the simple and uneducated man, to have courage for his love is all he needs to prove his integrity.